All my life I felt like I was not attractive at all. I mean at all. Why? I never had any reason to. No one told me. Not my family. Sure I had friends, had boyfriends, even husbands, but they didn’t tell me much. I guess I should assume I’m at least not unattractive but that isn’t how my brain works. I knew I was pretty smart, but I never felt like I was on the good-looking side of the scorecard.

Some might say I should just know. Hmmm. What if I don’t? At the risk of sounding the opposite (conceited) what if I need evidence? What if I need to be told? Maybe the last 44 years spent without much, if any, obvious affirmation from those I love has made it so I just don’t see it.

In the past I’ve talked about it with my family of origin and was told that no one wants it to ‘go to my head’ so they don’t pay compliments, and it’s not just me. I think with my ex-husband there was fear that if I knew, I’d leave. The truth is, I might have. Because as awful as he was to me, it took me 20 years and hitting a painful bottom to feel like I deserved better in that marriage.  Looks aren’t everything, but maybe if I had a clue that I could do better, I would have left sooner.

Something happened last night with my wonderful husband Greg that changed my perspective, opened my eyes. I’m starting to see it now.

If you have a daughter, girlfriend, wife, sister or friend, tell her she’s beautiful. Today. Now. Over and over. Don’t keep it from her. Especially the young girls in your lives who really have no idea. We don’t know unless we’re told. I didn’t. Looking around (gathering evidence) now I think I’m getting a clue (tho it is still hard sometimes to believe) and I wonder what a difference it could have made for me if someone had just told me.

PS: For those that have told me, thank you. And I am sorry for not believing you.